Vanity Fair. A magazine worthy of the rich, the famous and the celebrity. Glossy pages filled with stick thin models touting the latest from Vuitton, Chanel, Gucci, Dior and Armani. Articles on Saudi Princesses and Hollywood Queens are filed in between regular columns and Editor’s Letters. And in the way back, literally on the last page of each monthly print, sits the Proust Questionnaire.
The Proust Questionnaire is a one page canvas of a world-known entity, known to us lessor folks as celebrities. Once a month, a well deserved VIP wittingly answers prosaic questions such as “How would you like to die?” and “What is your most overrated virtue?” and so on.
I’ve often asked myself how would Dolce and Amore respond to such an interview.
If VF showed up in the dog pen, here’s how it would go…..
Dolce and Amore
At age 4, Dolce and Amore were the youngest canines ever to be featured in a cookbook, for their role in eating whatever fell to the kitchen floor. Almost three years later, the star’s of If It Falls On the Floor, It’s Mine! cookbook admits their lifelong yearning to own every bone there is.
Q: What is your idea of perfect happiness? Amore: steak! Then cheese, next would be green beans – woof! Dolce: A smoked bone, grrrrrr, mine!
Q: What is your greatest fear? Dolce: Being left behind on a trip in the car
Q: Who is your favorite hero of fiction? Amore: Ol’ Yellow Dolce: Tramp, with a bowl of spaghetti, yummm
Q: Which living canine do you most admire? Dolce & Amore: Marley and Giant George
Q: What is the trait you most deplore in others? Dolce: Amore stealing my food or my bone
Q: What is your greatest extravagance? Dolce & Amore: Shoes
Q: What is your favorite journey? Dolce: A trip to the grocery store! Amore: Running away from Papa Malcolm
Q: What do you consider the most overrated virtue: Amore: Behaving
Q: What do you dislike most about your appearance? Dolce: Panting, the rest of me is damn near perfect Amore: Drool, it’s so unbecoming
Q: What is your greatest regret? Dolce: Losing my bone to Amore
Q: Which talent would more like to have? Dolce: Bone maker
Q: When and where were you happiest? Amore: I’m always happy! Dolce: Woof! Me too!
Q: What is your current state of mind? Dolce & Amore: Happy in the land of enchantment
Q: What do you consider your greatest achievement? Amore: Flunking obedience school – now that was fun!
Q: What is your most treasured possession? Dolce: Woof! Woof! Woof! BONES!!!!
Q: What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Dolce & Amore: Being taken to the vet’s for our shots
Q: Where would you like to live? Dolce & Amore: Right here with Mommy Megan and Papa Malcolm – woof!
Q: What is your favorite occupation? Dolce: Afternoon naps on the couch Amore: Running wild and driving Papa Malcolm crazy
Q: What is your favorite thing to do together? Dolce & Amore: Sumo wrestling in the living room
Q: What is it that you most dislike? Dolce: Bone stealing
Q: On what occasion do you lie? Amore: When Papa Malcolm wants to know who did it
Q: What is the quality you most like in a male? Dolce: Alpha dog Amore: His deep-barreled furry chest